My coaching clients often want to talk with me about an important, or stressful, conversation they are preparing to have with someone. They often begin by discussing the message they want to deliver. Instead, I ask them to start by thinking about how they want to “show up.” What values and characteristics are important for the other person to see as they receive the message? This is the attitude they take to the conversation and, often, it will convey much more than the words they say.

When they have to tell a faculty member that they will have a different teaching assignment next year, showing up with a solution-solving mindset and listening to the teacher’s concerns conveys respect.

When they have to remind their front office staff that a top priority is being warm and welcoming to whomever comes into the office, showing up firm and committed conveys the importance of the issue.

When they have a third or fourth discipline referral for the same student, showing up as someone who sees goodness beneath the tough exterior, conveys caring and often sparks a connection.

The attitude you bring to an important conversation most often delivers the message more effectively than the words used. Be intentional about your attitude and the message will be clear.

Marceta Reilly, PhD, PCC