As coaches, we support and champion our clients. Supportive interactions increase rapport, create harmony and enhance the relationship. Because support at it’s best is about helping others grow and attain whatever they are seeking that is elusive to them, challenging is also an essential ingredient of helping. A healthy amount of discord facilitates change. When our clients are offered a view to “push back” on, their thinking is provoked. Sometimes, as coaches, we make people uncomfortable for their own good.

“What?” You may be thinking that coaching is mostly about helping people feel good about themselves. That is often a result. I have had clients tell me they feel less stressed and so much better after our conversation. I have also had clients tell me they have a headache—because I have challenged them to think so hard!

William Glasser asserts that all behavior is a constant attempt to reduce the difference between what one wants and one’s current reality. The greater discrepancy between the two, the greater is one’s motivation to reduce the difference. Challenging a client’s thinking directs thought toward the difference between one’s present state and one’s desired state, or the difference between present behavior and behavior more aligned with goals or values. When a client recognizes that current behaviors are in conflict with values or interfere with the accomplishment of self-identified goals, s/he is more likely to be inspired to change.

Questions for Self-Reflection:

How willing are you to make a client uncomfortable for his/her own good?
How will you recognize opportunities to challenge a client’s thinking?
How will you pay attention to the difference between confrontation (a clash of opinions or ideas) and challenge (the use of inquiry to induce people to think)?

By Frances Shuster, PCC