As we go through life, we all receive messages that shape our worldview. Some of these messages are empowering and some are self-limiting. As coaches, one of the most impactful things we can do for our clients is to recognize and challenge beliefs, exhibited through language, that limit our clients or keep them stuck.

As we listen FOR beliefs, assumptions, values and worldview, we may hear language from our clients that indicates distortions or deletions—flawed thinking patterns that keep them stuck in an impoverished model of the world. These flawed thinking patterns often show up in patterns of behavior and/or language. The defining characteristics of flawed thinking patterns are that they are inconsistent with reality, often illogical and lead to predominantly unhealthy results for the individual and his relationships as well as impeding his pursuit of personally meaningful goals.

An example that is fairly common is the notion that we, or others “should” think, behave, or speak in a certain way. We apply our own rules broadly, and may become offended, frustrated or angry if others do not comply. Or turning inward, we berate ourselves through negative self-talk if we did not do or know something we “should” have done or known.

The Coach Approach

Notice the pattern
Deal respectfully with what you observe
Ask for or name the pattern
Ask the client, “Where else might this show up for you?”
Ask the client what useful purpose the pattern has been serving for them
Work with the client to spot it every time it occurs
Introduce the client to greater flexibility in his/her thinking
As coaches, we recognize the pattern and respectfully and lovingly challenge the client’s thinking by offering language that is flexible, realistic, and nondogmatic. The coach needs the courage to challenge. The client needs to be open and able to see that certain aspects of his/her habitual thinking and speaking may be irrational or flawed.  Most, if not all of us, have developed some of these patterns during our lives.

By Frances Shuster, PPC