We use the iceberg as a metaphor for actions and behaviors that are seen above the surface, while thinking and emotions often remain beneath the surface—sometimes unseen and unexplored by others or even by ourselves.

In thinking about the vast amount of uncertainty we have all experienced during the last two years, the emotions Brené categorizes as places we go when things are uncertain or too much are: Stress, Overwhelm, Anxiety, Worry, Avoidance, Excitement, Dread, Fear, and Vulnerability. Without exploring each of them as Brené does in Atlas of the Heart, the point is that there are nuanced differences between and among these, even though they seem to occur when things are not going as we would like. Vulnerability is at the heart of Dr. Brown’s research. She states, “The ability to embrace vulnerability emerged as the prerequisite for all daring leadership behaviors. If we can’t handle uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure in a way that aligns with our values and furthers our organizational goals, we can’t lead.” Her conclusion is. “Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”

Courageous coach leaders must be willing to get beneath the water line—to take our clients to the deep water that so often goes unexplored. That is where the courage resides that must be tapped for strong leaders to emerge.

Pivot to Brené’s list of places we go with others: Compassion, Pity, Empathy, Sympathy, Boundaries, Comparative Suffering. Let’s take a closer look at Empathy and Compassion. Brené makes the distinction, “Compassion is a daily practice and empathy is a skill set that is one of the most powerful tools of compassion.” She asserts that the skill of empathy is to understand what someone is experiencing and to reflect back that understanding. It is listening to the story someone tells and believe their story even when it doesn’t match your experiences. It is not walking in their shoes or sharing your own similar experience.

Coaches practice compassionate neutrality, in which we stay in the mindset of nonjudgement, while holding the daily practice of compassion. Marcia Reynolds, in her book, Coach the Person, Not the Problem, reminds us to “catch and release” the emotions of others. Yes, we support our clients in exploring emotions, thinking, and behaviors. And both of us learn and grow in the process