In their book, The Power of Full Engagement, Lohrer & Schwartz suggest that the management of energy is the key to high performance, health and happiness. In order to be happy and balanced leaders must be:

• Physically energized
• Emotionally connected
• Mentally focused
• Spiritually aligned

In the last blog we discussed being physically energized in order to exercise your happy. Now we turn to being emotionally connected as a way to exercise your happy! Loneliness seems to be the product of not being engaged or connected to others in a meaningful way. What I often hear from clients is some variation of the following:

• No one calls me.
• I don’t have anything to do so I sit here and wait for something to come up.
• I don’t like (or I’m afraid) to go alone, so I don’t go.

How might one take responsibility for countering these unproductive ways of living your life to the fullest? Some ideas for the scenarios above include:

No one calls me.

• Often others would like to hear from you, but they just don’t take the time to reach out. Be the one to reach out to others you may not have called recently.
• Think of those you have neglected and who might welcome a call or visit from you.
• Examine behavior patterns that might be off putting to others. Have a frank conversation with a trusted friend or coach.
• Try to be the friend that you would want from others.
• When speaking with the other person give equal time to listening to them and not making the visit all about you.

I don’t have anything to do so I sit here and wait for something to come up.

• Think about what you enjoy, what you have enjoyed in the past or what you have always had an interest in. Think about what you want.
• Make a list of 10 things that you think you would like to do and a corresponding column about where to do these things. For example, if you like reading, then you could list library, bookstore, book talks, newsstand, and free programs. If you like to cook, you could list classes, grocery store demos, library cookbook release programs and so on.
• Put several activities on your calendar and make a pledge to attend at least one of the above activities each week. You can start out small and add a few each week.
• Service to others is a way to be connected and engaged. Explore ways you can volunteer in the community and in activities in which you have an interest.
• This is another area to explore with a trusted friend or coach to hold you accountable for reaching out and making the changes you want to make.

I don’t like (or I’m afraid) to go alone, so I don’t go.

• Conquer your fear. This is easier said than done, but in order to exercise your happy, you will have to be intentional about changing your behavior. Again, this is an area that can be addressed with a coach, a friend or a mental health professional.
• Treat someone who might not otherwise be able to go to an event that you would like to attend and take them with you.
• Learn to be your own best friend. Get in touch with what you want, and find intentional ways to fulfill your dreams. Being alone does not mean you have to be lonely if you will exercise your happy and surround yourself with the things you love and love to do.

As you’ve read these ideas and considered many more, what are you now ready to do in order to exercise your happy through emotional connections?

By Diana Williams, PCC