Results Coaching Global faculty instructors and coaches had a strong presence at the 2019 Learning Forward conference held in Dallas earlier this month. As we presented, coached and had casual conversations with others during this learner-focused conference, we continued to receive push back on the idea that “advice is toxic”. People embrace coaching—to a certain extent. Many still hold on to the idea that “I know best, so how do I convey that effectively?”

Peter Block, in his book Community: The Structure of Belonging, invites us to create an advice-free zone. Block states,

“Trying to be helpful and giving advice are really ways to control others. Advice is a conversation stopper. In community building, we want to substitute curiosity for advice. Do not tell people how you handled the same concern in the past. Do not ask questions that have advice hidden in them, such as “have you ever thought of talking to the person directly?”

The request for advice is how we surrender our sovereignty. If we give in to this request, we have, in this small instance, affirmed their servitude, their belief that they do not have the capacity to create the world from their own resources, and more important, we have supported their escape from their own freedom.

Advice also weakens relatedness, even if people ask for it. Advice, recommendations,and obvious actions are exactly what increase the likelihood that tomorrow will be just like yesterday.”

Paolo Freire, in The Pedagogy of the Oppressed, asserts,

“One of the basic elements of the relationship between oppressor and oppressed is prescription. Every prescription represents the imposition of one individual’s choice upon another, transforming the consciousness of the person prescribed to into one that conforms with the prescriber’s consciousness.”

Instead of “helping” or “giving advice”, humbly inquire out of curiosity. Consider bringing the attitude of trust in the other person to be the expert in his/her own life. Consider the possibility of bringing the attitude of humility vs.hubris into your conversations. How will you experiment with the concept of humble inquiry?

From Community, The Structure of Belonging, By Peter Block