David Brooks, in his new book, How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen, makes a distinction between Diminishers and Illuminators. “Diminishers make people feel small and unseen. Illuminators have a persistent curiosity about other people and have trained themselves in the craft of understanding others. They shine the brightness of their care on people and make them feel bigger, deeper, respected, lit up.” (Page 12)

Brooks offers these barriers to perceiving others accurately and becoming an accidental diminisher:*

• Egotism
• Anxiety
• Naïve realism
• The lesser-minds problem
• Objectivism
• Essentialism
• The static mindset

Coach Leaders focus on building capacity in others, which is based on truly seeing another, believing in their ability to grown and excel, and seeing the person as whole and capable. As coaches who coach others and teach others to coach others, we have witnessed the power of learning specific attitudes and skills that are transformative. Brooks states, “Being an Illuminator is a craft. It is training one’s heart to see the full humanity in another.” (Page 27). That is the ultimate goal of coaching—training one’s head (intellect), heart (empathy and compassion) and gut (courage) to fully see and illuminate others. Those who have walked this path know clearly that these qualities can be learned and practiced.

Qualities of Illuminators: *

Tenderness

Receptivity

Active curiosity

Affection

Generosity

A holistic attitude

Brooks’ qualities of Illuminators are closely parallel to the qualities that make a great coach. Curiosity is a constant attitude (Active curiosity). We are present with others using soft ears and soft eyes (Receptivity and tenderness). We embody presuming positive intent (Generosity). We see the whole person (A holistic attitude). We love our clients (Affection).

A person is a point of view, according to Brooks. Each person takes the experiences of a lifetime and integrates them into a complex representation of the world. As Coach Leaders, we learned from neuroscience the concept that each person’s map of the world is different. Therefore, we make it a practice to listen for the maps of others—to “watch their movie”. Our ideal is to imbue our practice and our “being” with the qualities of illuminators.

How will you be an intentional illuminator in your interactions with others?

*See How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen by David Brooks for full descriptions of Diminishers and Illuminators.