“I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific.” Lily Tomlin

While Lily Tomlin adds a little levity to the notion of being really clear about what we want, her quote also suggests the importance of being clear about our own roles and responsibilities when coaching others. Those who are in our seminars hear me say it . . . not once, or twice . . . but multiple times, that Brené’s adage of “Clear is Kind” fits here!

In this month’s previous article about the importance of ethical behavior as a coach, I mentioned that Kathy Kee and I presented at a Solution Tree Effective Coaching Institute. One clear and consistent message heard from every presenter was the value and need for role clarity – both for ourselves and for those we serve. Add to that an ethical qualifier from the International Coaching Federation (ICF) that the coach consistently aligns his/her coaching with the Role of a Coach (other than teacher, advisor, consultant, etc.)

It all begins with our Mindset. Mindset precedes our language. So, checking what’s going on in our head prior to engaging with another human being ensures we are headed for a successful conversation. At RCG (Results Coaching Global), you know our 3 non-negotiables for the Mindset of a Coach:

• Believe in another’s ability to grow and excel. A growth mindset is mandatory. The minute one steps off the belief that a person can grow is the minute one chooses to diminish his/her own potential for impact with a person.
• Recognize that “advice is toxic”. Because we understand the importance of giving status to another, we get why advice does just the opposite. And we recognize that giving advice is really feeding our status rather than the status of the other person. Marcia Reynolds states that “when we tell people what to do, we access their short-term memory in their cognitive brain, where learning is least effective”. And, Michael Bungay-Stainer supports us in achieving this with his strategies for taming our “advice monsters”.
• Use intentional language that aligns with one’s trust and belief in others. This is the one that sounds really easy, and yet we know from our work with you that it’s really hard. You report, “My head knows it, my mouth just says something different.” Again, we realize it’s about our years of practicing a language pattern. Now that we know another option, we can create and practice new wiring.

Beyond the Mindset of a Coach comes our Intentions, our Actions, our Behaviors. Before we begin, grab a copy of the Job Description you received when you got the job of being a coach so we can compare and contrast it with these intentions:

A Coach’s Intentions are to:

• #1. Support another person taking action toward his/her goals
• #2. Be a partner with another person to plan, reflect, problem solve and make decisions
• #3. Be nonjudgmental while giving reflective feedback
• #4. Use highly effective skills of listening and speaking
• #5. Focus on the assumptions, perceptions, thinking, and decision-making process of the person being coached
• #6. Mediate resources, clarify intentions, and identify multiple options for self-directed learning and optimum results

Marcia Reynolds asks in her book, Coach the Person, Not the Problem, can we give up being the fixer, the healer, or the expert, in order to be the coach?

As you check this list of intentions with your job description, what are you noticing? Furthermore, what from this list are you wanting to intentionally bring into your very next conversation?

Brené Brown, Dare to Lead, (New York: Random House, 2018)

Marcia Reynolds, Coach the Person, Not the Problem, (Oakland, CA: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc., 2020)

Michael Bungay Stainer, The Advice Trap, (Canadian Copyright Licensing Agency, 2020)