In a recent coaching conversation, my client was seeking ways to respond quickly and positively when he felt attacked, and his immediate reaction was to become defensive. When something triggers us, our first instinct is to react, which often leads to words or actions we later regret. The wisdom literature tells us that between stimulus and response, there is a space.  And in that space, we choose our response. 

We learn from Jill Bolte Taylor, in My Stroke of Insight, who says, “I am in control of how I choose to think and feel…the first step to getting out of those reverberating loops of negative thought or emotion is to recognize when I am hooked into those loops.”  She further states, “When my brain runs loops that feel harshly judgmental, counterproductive, or out of control, I wait ninety seconds for the emotional/physiological response to dissipate and then I speak to my brain…I am consciously asking my brain to stop hooking into specific thought patterns.”

To regain control of his thinking and immediate reaction when triggered emotionally, my client made a plan to slowly regain control of his emotionally hijacked brain so that he could remain calm and intentional about his chosen response.  Even though 90 seconds can seem like an eternity when emotions run hot, that 90 seconds can save hours, days, months or even years of misunderstanding and broken relationships that beg for repair. Take a reactivity inventory.  What tends to trigger emotion or negative thinking loops in you?  How will you plan to take advantage of that space between stimulus and response to allow the physiological response to dissipate so that your response is intentional?