Great leaders are great leaders because of their ability to support and influence others to achieve more than believed or thought possible. Leaders use their knowledge, skills and language to guide, scaffold, motivate and inspire.

David Rock writes that every action, every decision made by a leader either supports or undermines the perceived level of status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness and fairness (SCARF) in your organization. It is why leading is so very difficult. Every word and glance is filled with social meaning. Gestures are noticed and interpreted, magnified and inspected for meaning that is never intended. From past e-zines we have learned about The SCARF model. We are learning more every year about how to expand the SCARF model to influence levels of engagement from employees.

Leaders themselves are not immune to the SCARF dynamic. Like everyone else, they react when they feel threat in an array of forms. However, their reactions have a much broader range of impact. Managing the impact begins with being a leader of strong emotional intelligence. Self-awareness is the foundation. Being attuned to your own inner voice and signals and how your feelings will affect you and your job performance is essential to having powerful positive impact. Because leadership language is so influential for those who follow, let’s reflect on what language we may use internally to support ourselves – the leader.

Leaders are people too. We are not immune to the voice of uncertainty, self-doubt, or inadequacy that creeps into our minds, with great potential to sap our energy, and destroy our confidence. That language makes us uncertain, tentative, and sometimes scared to act.

The singer-songwriter-coach, Barbara McAfee, describes it vividly in one of her songs, Brain Rats. Zig Ziglar called it “stinkin thinkin.” Brene Brown calls her voice, the Gremlin. Whatever you call it…it works like a fog in the night or black ice on a road, taking away one’s confidence and courage. A leader with strong emotional intelligence will go to their EQ of self-confidence to bring out the light, the salt and the sun and apply those strategies to quiet the voice and reclaim their confidence and power to lead and influence others. Here’s the EQ – “how to.”

1. Recognize and acknowledge a voice of doubt can exist, and know you don’t have to engage it. In fact, mentally turn your back on it and look the other way.
2. Focus attention on your go-to attribute. It’s your strength that always seems to inspire energy and direction when you are in challenging situations. Some call it “passion.” Some say it is “presence.” Others name it “relationship building.” Whatever it is for you, think about what that attribute looks like and sounds like when you are doing it well.
3. Remember why you were chosen to lead. Remember all the qualities others see in you and placed in you, their confidence to lead.
4. Speak to yourself as you would your best and highest performing employee – with affirmations, with praise, with confidence and with the strongest of belief. You are the one to make the difference!
5. Wrap the SCARF around your neck!

References:

• Managing with the Brain in Mind, by David Rock, 2009
• Song lyrics by Barbara McAfee, While You Are Alive album
• Primal Leadership, Daniel Goleman

By Marceta Reilly and Kathy Kee