“Listening is the psychological equivalent of air.” ~ Stephen Covey

Covey’s quote speaks to the basic yet transformational power of listening. Research abounds about the undeniable importance of this skill. Without full presence while listening, the other skills have a diminished effect. Most people think they are a good listener until they assess, learn more about the attributes of committed listening, and actually practice the art of listening without speaking.

In our decade of work, another lesson has become crystal clear with regard to listening. When we reframe our listening from “listening to” to “listening for,” the results are astounding. This adaptive change becomes the bridge to the second skill of paraphrasing and takes the language from a literal translation to something much deeper. Let’s consider what “listening for” means.

From “Listen To” to “Listen For”

We spend a lot of time listening to details. “Listening For” requires staying out of the details. We keep the big picture while noticing the nuances in front of us. Listening in this way takes the conversation to a deeper level. So, what does one listen for?

• What the person wants – This question runs throughout the conversation. Listening For what another wants cuts through the detail and takes us to the heart of the conversation. Some call it bottom line, others call it essence. Ultimately, it is what the person cares deeply about.
• Emotion – Listening For emotion offers a barometer for the strength of how the person is feeling about something. Frequently, the entire conversation is about emotion over the content of the words the person is using. Emerging brain research and emotional intelligence speak to the significance of emotion in our lives. While often suppressed, we are learning that it is the mass under the tip of the iceberg. Naming the emotion does two things. It diffuses its power over us and sends the message that another understands what I am feeling.
• Passion – Listening For my passion lifts up what is really important to me. Your recognition of what I have deep passion about connects us and shows that you care enough to hear what I love or care about.
• Options, possibilities, potential – Surfacing options and possibilities from my language promotes my thinking and plants me in the present or prepares me for the future. This might also be called listening For potential. This kind of listening hears where I am heading, rather than what might not be working. Judgment is absent. Filters, if any, are transparent. You see me for who I am, what I care about, and where I want to go.
• What is already working – We grow from our successes and strengths and sometimes people are so focused on what is not working that they forget that many things are working.

As you engage in conversations that build trust and focus for the work, what are you “listening for”?