As our schools meet the ever increasing challenges of educating children there are many variables that have been researched over the years as ways to improve schools. The list includes, but is not limited to:

•    developing trust in school relationships,
•    developing a more collaborative culture,
•    exhibiting effective communication skills,
•    being open and honest, 
•    having a clear vision of purpose,
•    modeling high expectations,
•    creating a positive school climate, and 
•    exhibiting competence in leadership skills

The foundational skill at the heart of these variables for improving schools is the art of listening; really listening.  What does it mean to really listen?  According to the International Coach Federation, (ICF) listening is the “Ability to focus completely on what the client is saying and is not saying, to understand the meaning of what is said in the  context of the client’s desires, and to support client self-expression.”  The listening coach “Surfaces patterns, links to clients agendas (big and small); effectively reflects explicit and implicit client thinking; surfaces and tests underlying issues and concerns.”

Three tenets of good coaching which have at their heart the foundational skill of listening are:

• Being in the present with the person speaking
• Suspending judgment about what is being heard
• Helping clients get to the “Being”

Being in the present with the person speaking.

Often when we are listening to people, we are only half listening. We are distracted by other events going on either around us or in our own head. Some of the distracters around us may include:

• other people trying to get our attention
• trying to continue with other work while “listening”
• phones ringing and other noises
• electronic devices

Some of the distractions that go on in our own head might include:

• being annoyed with the speaker for going on and on about a situation when we want to get to the solution
• thinking about “our own story” that is triggered while the speaker is talking
• thinking of a solution for the speaker before he has a chance to tell the whole story
• letting our feelings about the other person (either positive or negative) get in the way of her message
• thinking about all the things that need to be done while you are “listening”
• thinking about what you need to pick up at the store later or what time you have to pick up your own kids

So the coach who listens sets aside these patterns of listening to be in the moment with the person speaking. This requires one to let go of the past and let go of what might happen in the future and to focus on the present moment and what that person brings to you at that moment.   It requires the coach to observe what is going on now and to set aside his own distractions. Allow the speaker thinking and speaking time without “high jacking” the story away from the speaker or by thinking about your own story that is similar. Practice being silent and focusing on both what the other person is saying and what he is not saying. Practice being silent and asking powerful and simple questions to further the speaker’s thinking. Good listening requires listening to what is beneath the surface and then as the speaker talks and you listen, the speaker becomes clearer in their understanding of their own issue. Often, having a good listener will help them arrive at their own solutions without you having the burden of solving the problem for them. When they solve their own problems, they have greater commitment to the solution.

Practice: Have your clients practice listening with a trusted partner. Ask them to be aware of how many times they interrupt the partner when he is speaking. Ask them to note the kinds of distractions that prevent them from being good listeners. Have them ask their listening partners to give them feedback on their listening. This is a good refresher for coaches to practice, also.

Suspend judgment as a listener

Often if someone is trying to share a story with you, trying to get you to agree with a proposal, or trying to otherwise win you over to their point of view in a conversation, we immediately make a judgment about the speakers intentions, about the speaker themselves or about the merit of their discussion. Depending on our history with the other person we either are suspect of their intentions or dubious about the message they bring to us. Being a listener means that we assume positive intent on the part of the speaker. As we allow the story to unfold, perhaps we hear a complaint. Complaints often mask passion around an issue. Our goal is to hear strengths as well as challenges. Our goal is to listen for what is said and for what is unsaid and to appreciate that the speaker is bringing it forth with a positive intent. Often we get defensive and lose the message of the speaker in our defenses. We also miss an opportunity to understand as well as to be understood. We put up unnecessary barriers when we do not suspend judgment and really listen.

Practice: The next time someone brings you a complaint or an issue, practice releasing any preconceived biases towards the information or the speaker. Be open to the message by being silent and listening. Once the speaker is finished, ask the speaker a powerful question such as, “what would you like me to do with this information,” or, “what ideas do you have for taking care of this problem?”

Helping clients get to the “being”

The listening coach helps clients get to the “being.” Often clients are preoccupied with getting things and having more of …  Often having more does not satisfy the desires and a new goal for having more of… is set. Part of “being” is helping clients to appreciate, celebrate and savor what is in the moment.   The same is true of the client who is always doing, doing doing, but is always too busy to enjoy life or build relationships. This person is busy “doing” rather than “being.” The listening coach is able to reframe the conversation into “what is going on right now?” with the client. The listening coach is able to “be” in the present moment with the client and is able to help the client get to the “being.”

Practice: Have your client log in their time spent during the day and note the activities. How much of the time is “having” time, how much is “doing” time and how much of it is “being time?” This is a great exercise for busy coaches, too. How do we get ourselves to the “being?”

What do clients say about the listening coach?

In a recent study by Coaching for Results, school leaders when asked about the benefits of having someone to listen to them reported that:

“It helps me to talk to someone who listens to how I do things.  My coach lets me talk, gives me feedback of what I am saying, asks questions, and helps me to think out loud.” 

“The coach listens to how I work with staff.  … I do my thinking out loud.”

“My coach understands me.  I am in a lonely job – all campuses are different but she is there for me. “

“It [coaching] helps me problem solve, kind of a safe ear to confide in.  I can process and not be   afraid that the  issue will be reported.  When I come to a conclusion, I go forward with the idea: this is the right way.”

“[Coaching is] a place to park my thinking and to move my school forward.”

The capacity to listen can be developed in your clients as you model being a “listening coach.” Everyone can benefit from being listened to as in the examples above. Listening is a communication skill not so much for us to gain our understanding but to help others enhance their own understandings of their own issues. As coaches we serve those we coach. There is a saying, “Listen and let their brilliance come forth.”

By Diana Williams, Ph.D., PCC
Leadership Coach
Coaching for Results Global

Diana is co author of a book to be published June 2010, Corwin Press
The Elementary Principals Personal Coach: Tapping Into Your Power for Extraordinary Leadership