Just as there is a distinction between “listening TO” and “listening FOR”, there is also a distinction between either of these and “listening WITH”. As we listen WITH an open mind and the intent to understand, it becomes impossible to judge or criticize another. Listening WITH requires full presence–mind, body, and heart.

When we listen at multiple levels, we are paying attention to the WHO of our thinking partner, not only the WHAT of the person’s words. We are listening at conscious and subconscious levels. If we fail to listen WITH the heart–and we often do so due to our own feelings of vulnerability or inadequacy–we short-change the potential of the conversation. Listening WITH also holds the idea that thinking partners are listening together–WITH each other. This deep listening is characterized by deep rapport between the two and may include long moments of silence that are teeming with possibility of new awareness for both partners.

Listening WITH requires us to give up our search for exactly the right question or statement. We are listening WITH trust in the coaching process, knowing that something of value will emerge in our thinking space.

How will you bring full listening presence into your conversations?

What will you let go of in order to listen WITH mind, body, and heart?

What story will you tell about listening WITH a thinking partner without attachment to the outcome?

By Frances Shuster, PCC