Welcome Back! It’s a new year, a new beginning, and that special time of the year that offers us all a fresh start! Just listen to this celebration from Principal, Amy Howell of Northwest ISD, Texas.

“I wanted to let you know a wonderful celebration we had! During our coaching conversations we talked about the power of positive presuppositions. We started our back to school kick off with “Having Positive Presupposition.” IT WAS AWESOME!!! While the teachers were talking about the article, I was walking around and heard, “This sounds like how you talk to us.” I was beaming! It couldn’t have gone better and it has given us an amazing start to the year.”

Much like Amy’s celebration, we contend that if you invited us to your school for a professional learning experience that would dramatically impact the culture of your school, it would be teaching the concept of presuming positive intent. We would also state without reservation that this is the easiest concept to get cognitively and the most difficult to internalize in our language. Why? Because of brain hardwiring! We have practiced our language patterns for a long time, so the default is to continue that pattern especially when under stress. It takes intention, determination, and a strong commitment to create new wiring.

Our words send messages to the brain that can be interpreted as safety or threat. In our first book, RESULTS COACHING: The New Essential for School Leaders, we describe in detail why language matters and how the presumption of positive intent holds the potential for influencing the conscious and subconscious mind, for creating safety for authentic sharing, and for opening the door for deep levels of trust and respect in a relationship.

A Matter of Distinction:  What Is the Difference?

Before we get to constructing questions that presume positive intent, let’s consider a distinction between the presumption of positive intent and positive presuppositions. The first is a global perspective of presuming the best of others, which then spills out into the specific language of our statements and our questions, called positive presuppositions. The first is an adaptive change — a mindset — that we hold that presumes positive intent on the part of the other person. It’s like an umbrella covering our way of thinking about how we work with another person. Second, a demonstration of the mindset is the language of our statements or questions, which is called a positive presupposition. This is a technical change meaning the skill set of how we construct our statements or questions to presume positive intent. An example of mindset is an overall belief in the other person to find his/her own solutions thus eliminating the need for advice giving. The skill is the specific language of a statement or question which demonstrates that belief such as, “When you spoke with the parents about their child, what was the response?”

Here are additional statements that demonstrate a mindset of positive intent.

• You believe all people want to be good at what they do.
• You believe people want to be valued and make a difference in this world.
• You believe that people show up to do the right thing and make good choices.
• You believe people care about those they teach or lead.
• You believe everyone is working hard and when things prevent their best it is due to life distractions.

Creating new wiring is truly an adaptive change; an inside-outside process. It requires that mind and body align with the language we speak—so easy to say and so hard to do. It takes us to the essential mindset of a coach leader:

• Belief in another’s ability to grow and excel — A growth mindset is mandatory. The minute one steps off the belief that a person can grow is the minute one chooses to diminish his/her own potential for impact with a person.
• Recognition that “advice is toxic!” — Because we understand the importance of giving status to another, we get why advice does just the opposite. And we recognize that giving advice is really feeding our status rather than the status of the other person.
• Use of intentional language that aligns with our trust and belief in others — This is the one that sounds really easy, and yet we know from our work with you that it’s really hard. You report, “My head knows it, my mouth just says something different.” Again, we realize it’s about our years of practicing a language pattern. Now that we know another option, we can create and practice new wiring. Here is a story that shows the importance of mindset and its impact on our work.

A Story From You: Coaching Begins With Me and My Mindset

This story illustrates both the essential mindset and how we show up for a conversation based on that mindset. I (Karen) was working in the Houston area and was approached during a break for some coaching about a high school department head. The math coordinator described the department head as extremely negative, so much so, that her negativity was bleeding into the attitudes of the team members and affecting their productivity together. The coaching began . . .

Coach: It is the morning that you are going to work with this particular department head. As you get out of bed, what are you saying to yourself about the person and the work before you?

Math Coordinator: Oh, I can hardly get up! Today will be excruciating, hard, and exhausting! All my energy will go toward trying to get this person to see my point of view about the work. There will be a vortex of negativity and little will be accomplished on behalf of the team or the students.

Coach: (With humor.) Please stop! Thank goodness this day is over! It’s a new day and you are getting out of bed to work with your best department head. What are you saying to yourself about the person and the work before you?

Math Coordinator: Oh, I can’t wait! Our work together is always invigorating and inspiring. Our ideas spiral up as we consider possibility after possibility. The team is on fire and future focused — what can they do next that will accelerate the learning of the team and their students?

Math Coordinator: I get it! It’s about me! What I put in my head is reality for how I will work with the department head. The work begins with me and what I say to myself.

BINGO! Through coaching, the math coordinator saw clearly what was at the center of her struggle. The mirror changed from facing the department head to facing the math coordinator (or herself). She realized that the language or story she told herself would be actualized in how she showed up for her conversation with others.

Check your Mindset . . .

How are you ensuring the non-negotiables are present in your work with others?

1. I believe in this person’s ability to grow and excel.
2. I believe advice is toxic and refrain from giving it.
3. I use language that is intentional and aligns with my trust and belief in others.  

Coming up in the Blog will be ways we work on our hardwiring so that the presumption of positive intent is embedded and integrated into our language.