Continuing our study of Michael Bungay Stanier’s book, The Advice Trap, this article will explore two concepts – The Three Personas of the Advice Monster and Six Foggy-fiers.

Sounds interesting, doesn’t it. Michael says the Advice Monster likes to inhabit three personas – Tell-It, Save-It, and Control-It. Using his tag line from the book – Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way you Lead Forever, let’s be more curious about each of these personas.

Tell-It – This persona is the loudest and most obvious, proclaiming, I’m here to Tell-It to convince myself I was hired to have the answer because if I don’t have the answer, I have failed at my job as a leader. At some level I believe having the answer is my only way of adding value and the only way I will be recognized as a success. Other characteristics that may support this persona are that I love the spotlight, I relish being the best, and time is short so let’s get to the point. If I don’t Tell-It, nothing will get solved and we’ll fail.

Save-It – While this persona is a little more subdued and seemingly less assured, it’s just as pervasive and damaging. This tactic is to pull you aside and explain that without me holding it together, everything would fail. My belief here is that I am responsible for everyone, every situation, and every outcome. This usually shows up under the guise of “being helpful.” If I don’t Save-It and rescue everyone and everything, we’ll fail.

Control-It – This persona is the most tricky of the three. Michael describes it as a backroom operator, and with a tone of gentle authority it supports my belief that the only way to succeed is to stay in control at all times. At. All. Times! It convinces us that everything is controllable and that I’m in charge. “Don’t trust others. Don’t share power. Don’t cede control.” If I don’t Control-It and manage it all, we’ll fail.

Sound familiar? It’s getting a little too close for comfort for me. I’ll admit I see some of each in myself.

Since we seem to be practicing vulnerability . . . let’s continue by looking at the Six Foggy-fiers that trip us up in conversations. These are patterns of conversation that keep us from seeing the real challenge at hand and prevent us from getting clear on what matters. Here are the six patterns Michael describes:

1. Twirling – If you are twirling: the first thing they tell you is rarely the actual challenge.
2. Coaching the Ghost – If you’re coaching the ghost: the spotlight needs to go back on the person being coached.
3. Settling – If you’re settling: be courageous, and push back a little.
4. Popcorning – If they’re popcorning: Their job is to figure out the challenge. Your job is to help them figure out the challenge.
5. Big-Picturing – If they’re big picturing: move from generalized to specific, from abstract to personal.
6. Yarning – If they’re yarning: Stop the madness! Interrupt!

Certainly, there is much more detail about each Foggy-fier in the book. Bottomline his recommendation for approaching these patterns is three-fold:

1. Notice the Foggy-fier pattern.
2. Name it – Say what you see.
3. Ask, “What’s the real challenge here for you?”

Thank you, Michael for these labels that describe what often occurs in our conversations to distract us from the real concern at hand. Imagine the impact if we Clear the Fog!

Read other posts in this series at this link.