As a volunteer for a charitable organization, I find myself working for a leader who operates like a deductive mentor; she micro manages, fault finds, and blames others. Her concept of leadership is “you do it my way or get out of the way.”

Since I am a volunteer, it would be easy to simply give up and walk away. However, I am passionate about the goals of the organization and I personally care for this leader. Like a coach leader in a school, I am a trained coach leader. Coach leaders vow to hold difficult conversations that hold the potential to result in a win-win for both parties.

As I plan the content for this conversation, I am using the three-step process described by Cheliotes and Reilly in Coaching Conversations: Transforming Your School One Conversation at a Time. I want to develop, practice and use coach language so that I am clear about the non-threatening words I want to use during this conversation and the outcome I hope to achieve.

1. Clarify or name what you want to discuss. Be specific and don’t beat around the bush. In my situation, I plan to say, “I would like to talk about leadership styles and their impact on the organization.”
2. Identify the value you hold for the topic or the value you see in the other person or both. Be sincere. This is not about manipulation. “For our organization to grow and continue to meet the needs of individuals who come to us for services, we rely on volunteers. You are a leader who really wants volunteers to contribute their gifts and talents so that each one can grow personally and spiritually.”
3. Ask a question that opens possibility thinking. “What type of leadership is being provided by you and the organization that promotes the growth of our organization?” I want to monitor my body language and tone of voice so that this statement is not seen as confrontational.

The authors remind us that this initial part of the conversation conducted by the coach leader should take no longer than 1-2 minutes to deliver. These interactions are short and specific.

Difficult conversations do not have to be difficult to conduct. They become easier when coach leaders plan how the conversation will begin and then listen to the input from the other person.

By Edna Harris, PCC