Feedback seems to be as abundant as bad weather sometimes and what we are not doing well seems to stay on the “to do” list. Why does it always provoke a reaction? What is that trigger? Stone and Heen offer in their book, Thanks for the Feedback, three triggers to watch for and reflect upon.

TRUTH Triggers are set off by feedback that is somehow off, unhelpful, or simply untrue. Ya’ can’t miss the internal or external response. We feel indignant, wronged and exasperated.

RELATIONSHIP Triggers are set off by the particular person giving us the gift of their feedback. It is colored by the relationship between the giver and the receiver and particularly what we believe about the giver. They generally have no credibility on the issue or have long before broken trust with us.

IDENTITY Triggers, in contrast, focus on neither the feedback nor the giver. Whether the feedback is right or wrong, wise or witless, something about it has caused our identity – our sense of who we are to come undone. We are overwhelmed, threatened, and ashamed and off balance. We are suddenly unsure of our worth or value?

The Coach Leader pays attention to these triggers and knows the impact they can have on self and others. Coach Leaders know how unreasonable the triggers can be and that only through a safe conversation can triggers be sorted and shifted – a conversation that brings light and voice to really listening and understanding. Conversations say, “I care” and that “You matter!”

By Kathy Kee, PCC