In absolutely every seminar we have, someone, sometime, somewhere, says, “Isn’t it okay, sometimes, to just tell people what to do?”

It’s such an important question and it circles us back to some key beliefs and the core purpose of growing people. So, for this month, let’s just briefly examine those beliefs and answer that question once and for all!

Let’s begin with some facts:

Fact #1: When we give someone advice the brain frequently senses that the advice giver is more knowledgeable, higher positioned, and/or of more authority. Therefore, immediately it sends a message of a lower relational place. “I know more, so let me tell you, who knows less.”

Fact #2: In education the data on teacher performance has been collected and examined for decades. It comes down to this fact: approximately 95% of all teachers want to do a good job and are committed to trying to learn and grow. Therefore, depending on the place, those not committed to growing and learning are 5% or less. So just for the purpose of answering the question – let’s say loudly – absolutely YES!, give advice…to the 5% or less – feel free to outline what is happening, what needs to be changed and the timeline for when it will and must happen to continue to remain in a position. Our leadership absolute is to grow the talent of everyone. If, (I’ll refer to them as the 5%ers) you have any 5%ers, then your work is clear – “get them good, or get them gone.” Now, the “aha” – exciting insight… 95% or more want to get it and want to grow…so let’s support them to do just that! AND, the best way to grow people is to grow their thinking about how they do their jobs!

Still, some might say, “So, what’s wrong with just telling people what to do? They are asking me to and say they really don’t know.”

Let’s review what you really already know. Yes, giving advice or telling does save time and yes, they are indeed asking. Remember, every conversation holds the potential to grow people, inspire, motivate or remind them of what they should know or don’t. The 2-5 minutes it might take in a conversation is your investment in them to learn. Everything else takes more time, not to mention the dependency and self-doubt that will grow.

My favorite response to advice grew out of the fun movie called, You’ve Got Mail. That’s about how often people ask us for advice…about as often as you get mail. So, what if our response to advice is…”You’ve got options!” Immediately the impact changes in the brain. Options, choices, autonomy, control. Cool. Besides the fact that there is always more than one way to do something, this offers some think time about what would work best. You’ve got options! What are they?

Let’s take these two conversations:

(A 95%er)“I’m having so much trouble getting my kids to care about math and really try. I’ve tried so many things and nothing seems to spark or engage them. They have to learn and pass so, please, just tell me what to do!”

(Coach Leader) “Carey, you care so much for your students and want them all to be successful. Here’s the deal, you know your kids and their interests best, you love math and have had lots of success. So you have options! How helpful might it be if we just put our heads together and come up with a fistful of ideas for you to consider?”

(95%er) Love it, let’s do this.”

The following options from Reflective Questions emerged in 3 minutes:

• In your math department, who is your chief collaborator(s) and what are the best strategies they are finding to spark and engage?
• In your conversations with your team, what are you learning from their insights and key strategies?
• What are the strengths you are seeing in your students to build confidence upon?
• What concepts are you building upon from prior learning that is scaffolding a safe transition to the new concepts?
• What concepts or processes in the curriculum offer the easiest and the most challenging need for engagement strategies?
• What team structures are providing opportunities for asking questions and thinking out loud about processes?

It’s amazing how many answers or new insights emerge in conversations like these. People know stuff – they just get stuck. Let’s polish their brilliance.

In Part II, let’s examine more of those OPTIONS – and with a 5%r!

Until next time! Keep holding up Options!