Wish #1 – Committed Listening

“December is a month of joy and happiness and to finish what you started.” What a year we have had, a year we shall never forget. A year that has enveloped us with uncertainty and a huge range of emotions. And here we are, since everything changed in March, we kept on, we persisted doing things we always wanted to get around to, learn, organize, or just breathe. The days continued to greet us, one after the other and here we are in December.

Normally it is a time of decoration and celebration and everywhere we look we see wreaths, bows, Christmas trees and all the beautiful lights giving the view a sense of magic. We are all praying this historic virus is harnessed and there is hope – real hope for life to include more hugs, more laughter, more close conversations. It feels like a new kind of Christmas wish list.

What if the first wish on the list for you is just the pleasure and wonder of simply listening to others? Being still and quiet and really listening to how another is feeling, what they may be excited about or even worried about. The new year still holds much uncertainty. And y’all know how uncertainty messes with our brain and the chaos it makes! In this unusual holiday season, what if we just wish to be a good listener. What we know about listening is that there is an unconscious tendency to tune out people you feel close to because you think you already know what they are going to say. It’s called the “closeness-communication bias,” and, over time, it can strain, and even end, relationships.

The joyful and hopeful thing is that people are always changing. The sum of our daily interactions and activities continually shape us, so none of us are the same as we were last month or last week. This “closeness-communication bias” occurs with those we love and spend a lot of time with – oh dear, we really aren’t listening to them. We stop noticing what they are into or reading or excited about simply because we think we know. Guess what? All we have to do is just listen again. Show more interest, ask curious or interesting questions, be less judgmental, and less apt to interrupt. What if our first wish is just to be a committed listener? Given our year, what if we just listen to those we love and listen for their joys, struggles, hopes and fears. It turns out the best way to really know and understand those we care about is to really be with them and just listen!

Read other posts in this series.