In Harvard Business Review, Kerry Gibson and Beth Schinoff, professors at Babson and Boston College offer the concept of “micromoves.” A micromove is a series of actions or behaviors that seem inconsequential in the moment but affect how we relate to one another. Micromoves are like dance steps. You take a step and your colleague takes a step. Each step, or micromove, can change the direction of the relationship. A small act of gratitude or compassion, like saying, “thank you,” when someone holds a door open or being understanding when someone is late for a meeting can bring people together and help build long-term trust, researchers suggest. (You might remember an earlier metaphoric concept from Steven Covey: Trust deposits and withdrawals.)

How do micromoves hold the potential to shift work relationships?

A few scenarios from work:

• You have a difficult relationship with a colleague at school. You learn that her father recently passed away. You make it a point to stop by her desk and offer your condolences. The colleague sees the conversation as an olive branch. Later that week she offers to help you on a plan for summer training.
• During a training day, at lunchtime, you and a couple of colleagues decide to go out to lunch. You debate asking your only other teammate to join but decide against it because the others invited you. When you get back to the office, you notice your teammate looks mad. As he leaves for the day, he tells you that he didn’t finish a report that you need to send first thing in the morning.
• You’re working with a Reading Coach via Zoom one morning. As you talk with her, you also casually answer emails and texts, only half-paying attention to what she says. Later that day, you get an email from your principal, who mentions that the reading coach expressed frustration with your behavior in your call.

These are just a few examples of how micromoves can shift relationships. The possibilities and outcomes are innumerable. And because relationships are all different, not everyone’s reaction to a micromove will be the same. The research, the effect of sharing a weakness with a coworker, found that it damaged relationships if the person divulging a vulnerability was of higher status — but not when that person was the coworker’s peer.

How, then, can you figure out which micromoves will be helpful? Kerry Gibson and Beth Schinoff offer five guiding principles:

• Understand your coworker’s point of view. Impact doesn’t always match intention. What makes micromoves complicated is that we all have different standards for evaluating them. Harry saw the unanswered email as no big deal; Amanda disagreed. She could have stopped to consider what was going on in Harry’s life: Might he have just returned from a trip and confronted an enormous amount of emails to answer? Was he overwhelmed by another project? Or, take the example of offering condolences to a difficult colleague. That micromove may backfire if your colleague views your action as insincere and perhaps even manipulative. So, before you make a micromove, ask yourself how you would react were you on the receiving end. Then, after the move, gauge your colleague’s response and consider whether it matches your expectations. If it doesn’t, be ready to follow up with additional micromoves.
• Recognize that micromoves are not always intentional. If things seem to have suddenly gone off-track with a coworker, an unintentional micromove you made may be the culprit. Take the multitasking scenario above. Use your reading coach’s reaction as a signal that you need to be more conscious of your own behavior. Identifying the cause of a colleague’s reaction can keep a small misunderstanding from becoming something bigger. That said, it’s important to note that an unintentional micromove might not always be to blame. Figuring out whether a coworker’s unexpected response is something unrelated to you could be as simple as directly saying, “I get the sense something is bothering you. I’m concerned I might have done something inadvertently to upset you.”
• Understand your role in the story. We often get so tied up in our own emotions that we lack a holistic picture of our coworker relationships or the impact of our own behavior. If you take an outsider’s perspective, you can gain clarity into the dynamics of your relationships. To get more insight, answer these questions:
  • How would an objective outsider narrate the story of your work relationship? What are its merits and challenges?
  • How would an outsider describe your role in the situation? Is your behavior bringing you closer to your colleague or pushing the colleague away?
  • What might you offer for consideration to someone else in your situation? Are there options in the moves you would offer?

• Journal your micromoves. Researchers recommend journaling as a tool to enhance your performance. Journaling and the reflection it provides can also help you create deeper and more meaningful relationships.
• Know that “good” and “bad” micromoves aren’t created equal. We might hope that a micromove that brings a coworker closer would compensate for one that pushes that coworker away. Unfortunately, micromoves that harm relationships are both easier to make and more powerful than beneficial ones. In well-cited research, Roy Baumeister of University of Queensland and his colleagues note that the effects of “bad” interactions far outweigh those of “good” interactions. So, if you think you’ve made a micromove that may have harmed a relationship, try brainstorming at least six possible micromoves to offset it.

The bottom line is that coworker relationships have a natural ebb and flow. Every day you have countless opportunities to shape and reshape them. We are right back to Covey’s metaphor of the trust bank account…daily deposits to counter the always withdrawals. The key is making micromoves (deposits) that build the coworker relationships you want, instead of just settling for the relationships you have.

Reference: Harvard Business Review articles 2019