You remember last month one of the aspects that Karen Anderson lifted up in her article was about easy change and hard change. You were reminded of our Powerful Coaching seminar: technical change vs adaptive change. Adaptive change is the hard stuff; changing your mindset, your core principles and values. Dumping the habit of giving advice may require an adaptive, hard change. Whether you are working on yourself or serving and supporting others, adaptive change requires the hard stuff because it’s for the LONG TERM, not a fast fix for today but when you’re not around to be asked for advice and the people you care about have learned to trust themselves and think deeply, or ask for you, the coach. Avoiding advice is being focused on the future, a way to think better, lead better, feel better and be better.

• When we avoid giving advice, we are empowering others.
• When we avoid giving advice, we rely on others to contribute their thinking and ideas.
• When we avoid giving advice, we allow others to experience responsibility for their own choices.
• When we avoid giving advice, we support others in making choices rather than making choices for them.
• When we avoid giving advice, we trade control for empowerment and engagement.
• When we avoid giving advice, we teach people to drive rather than doing all the driving. I can take a back seat.
• When we avoid giving advice, we can let in the unknown, often a source of competitive advantage and innovation.

Steven Covey taught us in Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and Principle-Centered Leadership there is a SPACE between what is said or done and how we respond. That SPACE is our tiny pause between stimulation and response, a moment when you more actively choose how best to show up. When you spend less time in the thralls of your advice giving – that thing happens – you notice it triggering you, you take a breath, and you choose how to respond. You avoid advice! Maybe you choose to respond like this –

• “What’s making this important right now?”
• “What’s the outcome you are desiring?”
• “What’s at stake in this?”
• Or simply… “Say more about your thinking.”

You get this, because it aligns with your beliefs, that growing people, developing others is what we really care deeply about and guess what? It’s future focused. Your legacy of growing others’ lives on and on. Next time: Where do we hear advice the most? Supervisory or feedback conferences. Watch for research on that tough situation.