As leaders, we know that offering the gift of empathy to another can make a big difference in building a trusting relationship and, in turn, elevating results.

Brené Brown offers a clear explanation of what empathy means. Go to https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw to see for yourself.

In the past, some leaders may have looked upon empathy as a “soft skill”. Today, we know that it is a strong skill that can have a significant impact on another human being.

Dr. Dan Siegel (2015), executive director of the Mindsight Institute and Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, shares a personal story about empathy that had a big impact on his career, which now focuses on empathy for the inner world of another (his description), or what he calls mindsight. Back in the late 1970s, he was a medical student at Harvard. At that time, there was little or no focus on the emotional well-being of the patient as doctors dealt with the physical ailments. Siegel said that after receiving the lab data, the attending physician would walk into the patient’s room, deliver the results, for example sharing that the patient had an inoperable disease and had only a few months to live, and then would walk out. Siegel was troubled by this method and asked about the need to talk to the patient about how he or she felt. The attending physician would respond saying, “I’ve tested them and given them the information. There is nothing more I can do.”

Siegel dropped out of medical school as a result of many such experiences. Fast-forward 25-plus years and Dr. Siegel was giving the keynote address at Harvard Medical School to a series on neuroscience and medicine. The topic was “The Importance of Emotions and Narrative in Medicine.” See Dr. Siegel’s (2015) video presentation on interpersonal connections on his website. Siegel cites a double-blind research study supporting the impact of physician empathy on patients. In a study of college students with a common cold, one group had a physician who focused only on the patient’s physical ailments. A physician with the same level of medical qualifications attended the other group. However, this physician attended to both the physical and personal component of the patient saying things like, “Aren’t you a student at the college? This must be a really tough time for you to have a cold and be studying for your final exams.” The empathy group got over their cold a day sooner, and their immune function was much more robust.

While the majority of us are not doctors or medical students, we are certainly students of leadership and connectedness. We care deeply about others and want to have a positive impact on work and life environments.

Here are two examples. Which one from each example offers empathy in the response?

1. A teacher comes to you and says that she is really struggling to live up to all the expectations of the job. She says she wants to do a good job with her work and yet she is dealing with a sick husband at home. You say,
   1. “I know this is hard. I remember how I felt when my husband was out of work. At least you do have a job and insurance. Just hang in there. It’s bound to get better.”
   2. “It’s clear as you speak that you care deeply about both your work and your husband and it seems like it’s really hard right now because you’re being pulled in both directions – from home and from work.”
2. You see a student crying in the hallway when it’s time for him to be in class. You walk over to the second-grade child and say in a caring voice:
   1. “What’s wrong?” You listen, smile and say, “It’ll be okay. Just go on to class.”
   2. “What’s happened?” You listen, smile and say, “Oh, you forgot your lunch today. That sounds like a big disappointment.”

While both examples show a sense of caring in each response, it’s “b” in each example that offers a paraphrase of empathy. And, of course, the conversation typically includes more dialogue between the two parties speaking. For these examples, the focus is on your first response – which holds the opportunity to offer empathy.

As you move through each day – What opportunities present themselves for you to show empathy for another, be it a co-worker or a student? Remember – it may very well advance the emotional immune function of the receiver, and you.