What causes some relationships to work well and others to break down and at times fall apart? Based on current findings from the study of the brain and positive psychology, healthy relationships begin with an understanding of who we are and how we are made. This month we will focus on a few key points for us to consider, which offer support for positive interactions at home and at work.

1. We are emotional beings. Information received through our senses is first filtered through the emotional portion of our brain (the limbic system), influencing the way we think and perceive a situation. According to Jill Bolte Taylor in My Stroke of Insight (2006). “Although many of us may think of ourselves as thinking creatures that feel, biologically we are feeling creatures that think.
2. There is a “toward” (positive feeling) or “away from” (negative feeling) response to information filtered in through our senses. Negative feelings are stronger than positive feelings and will typically shut down productive thinking and interactions. Thus, when negative feelings seem to want to take control of a situation and move us toward a “fight” or “flight” response, it helps to take some deep breaths, focus our energy on reappraising the situation and move toward a positive response rather than a negative one.
3. The SCARF® Model, created by David Rock (see SCARF in 2012: updating the social neuroscience of collaborating with others), represents current brain research findings regarding leadership and human interactions.
   Coach Leaders focus on SCARF as they interact with others. They know that every person they interact with is subconsciously scanning for SCARF related to whether or not they will engage or disengage with the interaction.

S – Status – one’s sense of importance relative to another.

C – Certainty – one’s need for clarity and the ability to make accurate predictions about the future.

A – Autonomy – a sense of control over the events in one’s life and the perception that one’s behavior has an effect on the outcome of a situation.

R – Relatedness – one’s sense of connection to and security with another person (friend or foe)

F – Fairness – refers to just and non-biased exchange between people (e.g., praise for or acknowledgment of one’s efforts, equivalent pay for equivalent work, sharing a candy bar with everyone, etc.

As we interact with others at home and at work, it will serve us well to remember that how people feel when they are around us will impact they way they in which they communicate and engage in activities. Feelings matter and because we understand how the brain receives outside stimuli, we use intentional behaviors of communication, including non-verbal messages we send out to others.

Later this month we will bring other key points to remember about the internal workings of the brain as it relates to leading with the brain in mind. It is a subject that brings great value to all human beings.