Earlier this month you were offered the visualization of how our self-talk holds the potential of being like a beautiful scene that draws you toward it in a positive manner. Or at least let’s hope that would be a good comparison. And guess what? You have the ability to construct your self-talk image as you desire. Sound possible?

Let’s do a fun and quick assessment to see how you are doing with your own self-talk. After reading each statement below, select the response that most aligns with you at the current time.

1. I am honest with myself as I think through my role related to a situation.

All the time

Some of the time

Rarely

Never

2. I do not call myself names, even when reflecting on how I am handling or mishandling a challenge at work or in my personal life.

All the time

Some of the time

Rarely

Never

3. I reflect on how my self-talk aligns to my core values.

All the time

Some of the time

Rarely

Never

How did you do? Remember that no one is perfect, and our personal portrait referenced above and in our earlier article has some dark colors. We just work to limit those.

Included in our self-talk are things that we say privately to ourselves about others. If you have attended one of our seminars and/or read our books, you know that we strongly believe in the importance of presuming positive intent. This is where we remind ourselves to believe the best in others based on their:

• Nobility of purpose.
• Prior, current and future thinking and planning related to their work and life.
• Desire to do their very best.
• Clear understanding of the standards and expectations related to their work and/or responsibilities.

Presuming positive intent shows up in our own self-talk related to thoughts about colleagues, family members, or any other human being.

Using the three reflective statements above, here are two examples – first, a personal example and then a professional one. Notice in both examples that the person dealing with the challenge is talking to herself as she would a dear friend.

Personal example:

Recently, Mary (not her real name) caught herself thinking about a family member, Barbara, (also not her real name) in a way that she was certainly glad that Barbara could not read Mary’s mind, similar to occasional themes of past movies. Unintentionally, Mary said something that hurt Barbara’s feelings. Barbara was courageous enough to share her feelings with Mary when they were together later in a private conversation. Mary listened, was disappointed in herself, and apologized. Later, Mary’s self-talk went like this: “Mary, you made a mistake in the way you handled the interaction with someone you love and who does not always see things in the same way you do. This is an opportunity for you to remember the importance of thinking before you speak and presuming the best in others. You did not intend to make someone else uncomfortable. You will do better next time. Barbara respects you and wants to have a strong relationship with you, and you feel the same way.”

Professional example:

Martha has joined an education organization and wants to show that she is well suited for her position. She wants to prove her worth to the organization and to herself, yet it feels like she has not yet been given the freedom to make decisions related to her role. In a private conversation with her coach, Martha talks through the concept of presuming positive intent when dealing with a challenging situation at work. Here is a possible example of her private conversation: “Martha, you have a high level of respect for the people you work with. They want you to be successful. Let’s presume that they expect you to speak up when you’re wanting to do some things differently than done in the past. Martha, you are smart and caring and you can do this. You will speak up at the next meeting and presume that your team wants to hear from you. This will help you build you own confidence in yourself as a leader.”

How is this whole concept of positive self-talk about yourself and others speaking to you? Want more information to support your work and your life? We have options for you. Join one of our upcoming seminars AND read our latest book that will be out next year.