In this month’s Ezine, we looked at the difference between the global notion of presuming positive intent (a mindset) and the technical skill of designing our questions or statements into positive presuppositions. The purpose of this blog is to consider ways to ensure our spoken language matches our mindset of belief in others.

So how do we get this new pattern well established in our brains? Just as we said in our first book, we presume that others are doing each of the following:

Prior and current planning — The person is already planning how they will address the topic or concern.

Prior and current thinking — Clearly, he or she has been thinking about it because of wanting to speak to you for greater clarity.

Nobility of purpose — Believing a person wants to do something even when they have not begun to do so is especially impactful to the brain. Because our brains are different, we each respond to change in different ways. My pace for change may be significantly different than your pace for change. Believing that I want to and just have not started yet sends a different message than language that carries judgment that I have not started yet. My brain may be planning for action, and when you approach me presuming positive intent, I am more likely to risk and take the next step. Approximation in the desired direction is progress!

Commitment to a standard or expectation — Our brains hold so much information that we can forget a standard or expectation. Even those of us who are Type A go-getters can temporarily forget something we know for sure. When a coach leader uses his or her language to reconnect us to what we know, our status remains intact and we quickly plug back into an existing standard or expectation. One example is the leader who says, “When you checked our procedures for a responsive classroom, what options did you find?”

Positive intent for action or behavior — Language that presumes positive intent almost always conveys an intention for follow up action or behavior. For example, the question in the previous bullet presumes the person will check the procedures for a responsive classroom if they have not already done so. This is the language that “holds able”—presuming that the person will take action in the intended direction. Additional examples include: “Knowing the importance of being at your duty station first thing in the morning, what is your plan to make sure that happens with regularity?” and “Knowing that budgets were due this morning, when is the earliest you can turn yours in to the office?”

A Story from You: My Map for Change May Be Different From Yours

One principal experienced the value of presuming nobility of purpose firsthand. A standard or expectation for using cooperative learning as a strategy for high engagement had been established as a campus goal. Extensive professional learning had been provided over time. There had been many conversations, individually and collectively, about what the expectation would look and sound like in the classroom. Still, there was one teacher who was showing hesitation. As the principal conducted her walk-throughs, she went by one teacher’s room to notice that while she had put the desks in groups, she was continuing to lecture as usual without any student interaction. The principal was upset as she entered the office area to find her assistant principal (AP). Presuming the worst, she spouted off her frustration to the AP. In response, the AP said, “Well, at least she has her desks ready for her cooperative groups.” The principal stopped in her tracks realizing the AP was spot on. She had a new view or perspective that the teacher was moving in the intended direction. Quickly, her frustration turned into hope and she marched back down to the teacher’s classroom and said, “How exciting! You’ve organized your room for cooperative learning groups. I can’t wait to come back and see the level of engagement with your students.”

Carol Dweck’s (2006) notion of growth mindset vs. fixed mindset is fundamental and deeply embedded in the concept of presuming positive intent. When you presume I have, I am, or I intend to, you convey belief, value, and trust to my brain. You are also connecting to the significant work of David Rock’s (2008) SCARF. At the heart of presuming positive intent is maintaining my status, which keeps me engaged with you rather than sensing you don’t like me or thinking I may not be good enough and ultimately pulling away (taking flight) because I sense fear or threat.

What About . . .?

You are probably wondering, “Well . . . how does one presume positive intent when we have a history with the person or we know for certain they have not done something?” One answer already described is nobility of purpose—believing I want to and that I have just not started yet. No one gets up with the goal of being the worst he or she can be. We all want to make a difference. So what can one lift up to presume positive intent? Here is a short list to which you may add:

Nobility of purpose (see story above)

Effort — I show effort in some way every day. What is it? Example: “You’ve worked really hard to ensure each student has access to the resources they need.”

Knowledge and skills — What are my strengths; what special gifts do I possess? Example: “Because you’ve been teaching for a number of years, you have a vast knowledge of classroom management strategies.”

Integrity — Defined as the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles can be a recognizable attribute. Example: “Your moral compass is a strong guide for what you see as right or wrong.” Or “Knowing your word is like a promise, this goal will be accomplished in no time.”

Caring — How do I show kindness and care to others? Example: “Your sensitivity to the lives of each of your students is apparent in the kindness you show them every day.”

Dedication — Every person carries within them a set of beliefs and values aligned with what they hold dear to his or her heart. Sometimes in the midst of the busy work, we lose sight of that dedication. Comments from others offer opportunities for us to reconnect to that personal dedication. Example: “Even when the task at hand seems daunting, your dedication to your students always seems to carry you through the tough times and toward new successes.”

Commitment — In what ways do we stay engaged in areas where we have verbally or in writing expressed that we are all in? Example: “There is no doubt how committed you are to the mission and goals of our school. What are you envisioning as the most important next step in reaching parents that have yet to attend a parent conference?”

Perseverance – What is that driving force that keeps us in the game when a part of us wants to give up or throw in the towel? Sometimes it’s being reminded that we have the internal strength to carry on. Example: “As a person with a track record of not walking away from a challenge, what is giving you the strength now to persevere, even in the mist of numerous challenges?”

?? — What additional items would you add to this list of ways to show presumption of positive intent?

Having and showing a mindset of positive intent holds greater possibility for increasing productive responses from others. Your language and attitude send a message of respect coupled with high expectations, which in turn increases the likelihood of inspiration and motivation for action. And when we presume a person has done something and they have not, typically they will do one of two things: (1) confess that they have not done what we presumed, which invites truth-telling in the conversation. My brain feels safe enough to be honest with you. Or (2) I will say to myself, “She thinks I have already done this. I better get busy and get it done.” Either way, status is preserved. We want to influence; never manipulate. When a person has a pattern of behavior indicating standards are consistently unmet, we hold up the standard with a question indicating positive intent for action, such as, “Knowing the deadline for lesson plans is the end of the day Thursday, what is your plan for consistently getting your plans in on time?” or “Because one of our focus areas this year is increased parent involvement, how are you thinking you want to engage those parents you have not seen yet?”

As you have conversations with others this week, what are you noticing about your presumption of positive intent? How is it influencing your language?

In the Nugget, we will dive more deeply into the language of the questions we ask.