Earlier this month a few strategies were shared to impact your words in written communication.

1. Tell the truth – be honest and clear, not to mislead.
2. Get to the point – bottom line or essence of your message. Sensitive and valuing people’s time.
3. Just ask! First rule of being a coach. Just ask for what you want. Be prepared for if it can or cannot happen.
4. Know your audience. To reach someone, really listen to them and ask questions for clarity and understanding. Remember…what’s in it for them?
5. Banish the jargon. More gratitude and clarity; less jargon.

Adding to the communication theme, let’s continue with the little things we do in communication, like email, that affects our work relationships.

One afternoon, principal Amanda sent an email to a colleague, Harry, explaining why he had not been included in a meeting of some other principals earlier in the day. Amanda and Harry got along well, and Amanda wanted to make sure that Harry wasn’t offended. Two days later the email still hadn’t been returned. This small incident made Amanda question their relationship. Why the rudeness? Was Harry upset? Were they on good terms? How should she act the next time they see each other? Harry, meanwhile, had put “write Amanda back” on his to-do list but had just been too busy to get to it. He had no idea how his slow response concerned Amanda.

We all know that interactions with colleagues can often be confusing and a source of stress. When you work in a system, a school, a business with others this phenomenon is seen all the time. Dealing with work relationships is one of the most frequent topics in leadership coaching. How we relate to our colleagues and coworkers can make or break how we feel about our work.

People tend to think about work relationships in the wrong way. Why? Because evolution wired humans to appraise situations as either “good” or “bad.” So, we act on “threats” or “safety.” It’s a brain thing…we assess our relationships with colleagues in similar either-or terms. The reality is there are many types of work relationships – good, bad, and everything in between. And, a large body of research shows that individual relationships include a mix of both positive and negative experiences.

Most of us like to think of our colleague relationships as being fixed. Good ones will remain happy and bad ones will never get better. Consequently, we take our healthy relationships for granted, instead of giving them the attention and investment they need. Sometimes we write off those that have soured, instead of taking steps to improve them. Relationships are fluid; even the most toxic ones can be repaired and the most positive ones can quickly spiral downward.

Kerry Gibson and Beth Schinoff, professors at Babson and Boston College offer the concept of “micromoves.” A micromove is a series of actions or behaviors that seem inconsequential in the moment but affect how we relate to one another. Micromoves are like dance steps. You take a step and your colleague takes a step. Each step, or micromove, can change the direction of the relationship. A small act of gratitude or compassion, like saying, “thank you,” when someone holds a door open or being understanding when someone is late for a meeting can bring people together and help build long-term trust, researchers suggest. On the flip side, something such as delaying an email response, as Harry did, can create tension and negative feelings that may linger a long time.

Next time: What are some micromoves that hold the potential to either bring people together or pull them apart? Some have a larger impact than others. A disrespectful email, a tacky comment in a team meeting, or a missed meeting. Which will have a greater effect? Which micromove will have the potential to shift a relationship?

See you next time.