Marshall Goldsmith, in What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, writes of 20 things to stop doing. Goldsmith quotes Peter Drucker, who says, “We spend a lot of time teaching leaders what to do. We don’t spend enough time teaching leaders what to stop. Half the leaders I have met don’t need to learn what to do. They need to learn what to stop.” Goldsmith suggests that instead of making a “To Do” list, start a “To Stop” list. He primes our thinking with 20 ideas of habits to stop.

Here are three that relate specifically to coaching.

Adding too much value: The overwhelming desire to add our two cents to every discussion. This relates to the unproductive pattern of solution listening in which we may miss the value of other’s thinking by the need to share our own ideas and experiences. We assume that we know best or that we can move another forward more rapidly by offering our solution or “toxic” advice.

Passing judgment: The need to rate others and impose our (personal) standards on them. This shows up in the unproductive pattern of judgment/criticism. It surfaces in our beliefs of what “should” occur or how something must be done. It is a way to keep the playing field uneven, rather than maintaining a thinking partnership.

Not listening: The most passive-aggressive form of disrespect for colleagues. As we observe when we play with “not listening”, people find creative ways to react when someone is not listening, which is an exaggerated form of what happens in the real world if someone is disengaged.

Goldsmith, in his chapter entitled Listening, discusses the idea of “think before you speak, a habit which he relates to being an outstanding listener. He states the obvious—you can’t listen if you’re talking. An additional habit to STOP then, is to STOP speaking before you think. As difficult as that may be for many of us, it is a habit that with intention we can STOP.

STOPPING habits takes awareness, intention, and repetition. Rather than adding something to your already too-full plate, what is one thing you will add to your “To Stop” List?