Very few people would say, “I’d like to have more conflict in my life, please.” Additionally, few teams would request additional conflict between and among members. Yet, as Patrick Lencioni author of The Five Dysfunctions of a Team (2002) says, “All great relationships, the ones that last over time, require productive conflict in order to grow. This is true in marriage, parenthood, friendship, and certainly business.”

Typically, most of us go out of our way to avoid conflict. We might say, “Conflict is just not worth the time, the energy, or the stress,” and so we just step away, figuratively, or if possible, literally. Perhaps that’s the reason that conflict, or unproductive conflict, is second of the top five reasons why teams are dysfunctional, according to Lencioni. By the way, low trust is the first on his list.

He says, “In many situations, conflict is considered taboo, especially at work. And the higher you go up the management chain, the more you find people spending inordinate amounts of time and energy trying to avoid the kind of passionate debates that are essential to any great team.”

Here are some important points from Lencioni taken from The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable (2002):

• It’s important to distinguish productive ideological conflict from destructive fighting and interpersonal politics. Ideological conflict is limited to concepts and ideas, and avoids personality-focused, mean-spirited attacks. However, it can have many of the same external qualities of interpersonal conflict—passion, emotion, and frustration—so much so that an outside observer might easily mistake it for unproductive discord.
• Teams that engage in productive conflict know that the only purpose is to produce the best possible solution in the shortest period of time. They discuss and resolve issues more quickly and completely than others, and they emerge from heated debates with no residual feelings or collateral damage, but with an eagerness and readiness to take on the next important issue. Ironically, teams that avoid ideological conflict often do so in order to avoid hurting team members’ feelings, and then end up encouraging dangerous tension.
• When team members do not openly debate and disagree about important ideas, they often turn to back-channel personal attacks, which are far nastier and more harmful than any heated argument over issues. It is also ironic that so many people avoid conflict in the name of efficiency, because healthy conflict is actually a time saver. Contrary to the notion that teams waste time and energy arguing, those that avoid conflict actually doom themselves to revisiting issues again and again without resolution. They often ask team-members to take their issues “off-line,” which seems to be a euphemism for avoiding dealing with an important topic, only to have it raised again at the next meeting.

How does a team go about developing the ability and willingness to engage in healthy conflict? The first step is acknowledging that conflict is productive, and that many teams tend to avoid it. As long as some team members believe that conflict is unnecessary, there is little chance that it will occur. When people understand the benefit of productive conflict, they are more inclined to participate.

As a committed coach leader, you already know many ways to handle conflict because of past experiences and your work with leadership coaching. What are your top strategies for having productive conflict? Here are a few, possibly fresh, ideas to get you thinking:

• Have up-front agreements on how the team will be and work together during the discussion. This may call for a different set of norms when dealing with a “hot topic”.
• Listen to understand. While listening, seek to understand from the perspective of the other person. Paraphrase back the essence of what was said.
• Take some deep breaths before speaking. Should you find yourself becoming emotionally charged from the words or language of the person or persons speaking, breathe deeply before speaking.
• Remember your intended state of being. An example of this might be, “While I may very well speak with great passion, I will not use a demeaning or disrespectful tone.”
• Use intentional language that presumes positive intent on behalf of others. It is completely acceptable to say, “I disagree and here are my reasons.” Or, “I feel uncomfortable with this approach. I’d like for us to consider…” Remember, it’s always about the idea or ideal and never about a personal attack.
• Keep your group agreements. Stay to the agreed upon agenda/topics and as other topics arise, have a process for collecting them for later attention, for example a Parking Lot list or an agreement to extend the meeting – if all agree. If members begin to move away from the agreements, have a process for calling them back, rather than calling them out and keep personal comments private.
• Provide processes for conversations when dealing with “hot topics” to ensure all voices are heard. For example, begin by asking each person to take a few minutes to reflect and write down his or her most important thoughts related to the topic. Next, ask each person to share his/her thoughts in no more than 3 minutes while others listen. Then move on to the next person until all have shared. Have a note taker to capture key points or patterns that arise.

By giving productive conflict a fresh look with a productive approach, we offer great possibilities for strengthening the overall effectiveness of the team.