“I wish that I knew what I know now
When I was younger
I wish that I knew what I know now
When I was stronger…”

Rod Stewart

Thank you, Rod Stewart, for the words from “Ooh La La.” Rod may have been talking about a girl and yet the words are metaphoric for our better understanding of emotions. If Rod would allow, I’d change the last line above to say, “Now that I’m stronger…”

We know more now about emotions than we knew when we were younger. Thanks to brain scans and functional MRI studies, we can actually watch changes in the brain’s activity as someone is shown images that bring forth memories and connections, both positive and negative.

When we were younger, at least in my age group, many of us were taught to hide or suppress our emotions. “Be strong, don’t cry, get a smile on that face, young lady,” for example. We just didn’t know at that time how best to deal with our emotions. Now, we know and because we know, we act differently.

If you Google “suppressing your emotions” you might find this information:

“Suppressing your emotions, whether it’s anger, sadness, grief or frustration, can lead to physical stress on your body. The effect is the same, even if the core emotion differs,” says provisional clinical psychologist Victoria Tarratt. “We know that it can affect blood pressure, memory and self-esteem.”

Google, 2020

So, what do we do? We recognize, we reflect, we release and we realign. We DO NOT suppress.

Recognize
Dr. Marcia Reynolds, a respected phycologist and master coach, stresses the importance of coaches and leaders being aware of our own emotions as we coach and lead others. She suggests, at four intervals throughout the day, jotting down what you are feeling. Recognize and name your own emotions. That’s the first step toward the path of supporting others who are dealing with their emotions.

Reflect
Jot down the emotion you are feeling and perhaps a few details about the emotions. While you might not be able to deal with the feeling at the moment – you have captured the emotion for later thinking. What triggered the emotion? What learning is coming forward for you as you consider your triggers?

Release
How important is the emotion to you? If it is holding you back from moving forward in the way you desire, how willing are you to release it – somewhat like a message in a balloon? Respect the emotion and if it is holding you back – then let it go.

Realign
What do you want to feel that will best support you in moving forward? Consider that the emotion you released offered opportunities for greater awareness as you align to being the you whom you desire to be. Connect with a favorite mantra or a belief system that represents you at your best. See yourself in that belief system. Act as if you are in there.

As you move through each day, remember that you know better and act better today because you are aware of the importance of recognizing and dealing with your emotions. Also, remember that no one is perfect and we all slip up at times. It’s about what we learn when we do slip up. In fact, what a wonderful topic to bring to a coaching conversation. It might sound like this: “Today, I want to reflect on the emotions that came forward for me as I was dealing with a big challenge at work.”