A second concept Brené Brown shares in her Dare to Lead book is the notion of “clear is kind – unclear is unkind”. This one resonated deeply with me as I see the effect of lack of clarity and uncertainty in our work on a regular and consistent basis. Let’s see what Brené has to say about it and then think about how it shows up in our work. Finally, we’ll look at what we, as leaders, can do to provide greater clarity for ourselves and others.

From her research and deep study, the data was clear about the damaging impact of lack of clarity. “The consequence from a lack of clarity is diminishing trust and engagement, and an increase in problematic behavior, including passive-aggressive behavior, talking behind people’s backs, pervasive backchannel communication, gossip, and the “dirty yes” (when I say YES to your face and NO behind your back).”

Now, who wants any of this? None of us . . . yet, it continues to show up in our work. Here are a few examples – real ones from my most recent conversations with leaders:

• The need for a conversation with a Principal who is not meeting the articulated standards of performance.
• A teacher who consistently misses the deadlines for the management portion of her work as a professional.
• A non-renew conversation with a person who is nice, helpful, and kind yet does not meet performance goals.
• A conversation with a PLC who is not cooperating and working collaboratively to benefit students.

That’s only a few but you get it! So, as leaders, how do we infuse greater clarity in our work? Here are a few ideas:

• Clearly articulate Standards and Expectations – In your time with us, you learned that the brain “craves” certainty – the “C” in SCARF. And, you also heard that having and communicating standards and expectations creates greater clarity. What has become crystal clear is that they have to be restated over and over again.
• Use the Tool of Curiosity – Brené calls this the “mother of all rumble tools”. It sounds like, “Tell me more about how this plays out for y’all. I want to understand.”
• Try Treasure Hunting – Ask yourself, “What is the treasure I seek? What is the cave I fear to enter?”
• Practice using Permission Slips – Brené’s team practices this strategy – writing down one thing you give yourself permission to do, feel, or say in this meeting. For example, I may give myself permission to stay open-minded or to listen more than I talk.
• Be Brave and Courageous – “We have to have the hard conversations even when we’re not ready.” Clear is kind!
• Choose the Right Language – The importance of using the right language to talk about hard things is so important. The words we use really matter. Here is sample language from page 68 in Brené’s Dare to Lead.
  • “I know this is a tough conversation. Being angry is okay. Yelling is not okay.”
  • “I know we’re tired and stressed. This has been a long meeting. Being frustrated is okay. Interrupting people and rolling your eyes is not okay.”
  • “I appreciate the passion around these different opinions and ideas. The emotion is okay. Passive-aggressive comments and put-downs are not okay.”

Bottom line from Brené about Clear is Kind

“Leaders must either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feelings, or squander an unreasonable amount of time trying to manage effective and unproductive behaviors.”