When coaching another person, be it a colleague or a client, all committed coaches desire to provide a safe and confidential space, some may even call it sacred, where the coach and the client join together in an open and honest manner, free of outside distractions, and ready to be different as a result of their time together.

While the above description paints the purest desires of coaching, many times coaches and clients both enter the space carrying a load of demands and pressures from the day. Thus, up-front preparations, prior to beginning the conversation, are important. And, typically these preparations happen pretty quickly, before another knock at the door, a phone call, or some request from the other room.

Here are three simple ways to be your best before you converge for a coaching conversation.

1. Schedule the meeting. That sounds silly – and yet it is part of the agreement of coaching. We both agree to meet on a certain day and at a certain time and for a mutually agreed length of time. Personally, I schedule all of my coaching conversations now by video so we can see each other and feel as if we are in the same space together, even though we may be miles apart. If you are working in an office around others, verify that you and the person being coached, the client, are clear on when and where to meet.
2. Have an uncluttered and private space to meet. I tend to be a person who clutters. You may live a clutter-free life so this one is easy for you. Prepare the space to be free from physical and mental distractions. Place your phone on silent, or better yet – turn it off. If in an office, let others know you are not to be disturbed, unless “the house is on fire.” In my office, my husband knows that when my door is closed, it means – “please do not interrupt.” And, if you share an office with another person, find a place to meet with your client where no one else is privy to your private conversation.
3. Prepare yourself.
   1. Take some deep breaths. This too sounds simple and yet it is so important. It helps to clear your mind and ready yourself for the upcoming conversation.
   2. Center yourself (some call this being mindful). Pay attention to the beating of your heart, the pace of your breathing. Place your hand over your heart or on something where you feel a connection between you and that item. Appreciate who you are at this moment.
   3. Offer positive self-talk.
      • Try implementing “Zoom In, Zoom Out”
        • “Zoom In” on you. Describe your perspective as the coach. “I am qualified to coach Jack. I consistently practice the ethics and competencies of coaching, seek feedback on my coaching, and strive to demonstrate both coaching ethics and competencies in our conversation in a natural and spontaneous way, and in response to what Jack says. I understand Jack’s bigger goals for our work together and, as appropriate, I’ll connect those to the current conversation. I understand that Jack and I are thinking partners in the conversation and he is the one who determines our agenda, including what will be most beneficial for him to have as an outcome. Metaphorically, Jack and I are traveling together in a car. He is the driver of the car and I am his passenger and navigator riding beside him. I know how to drive. It’s just not my place to drive. I will give Jack plenty of space to express himself and will not interrupt. I will make comments and ask him questions along the way that offer him opportunities for new insights and clarity, and I’ll even share my thoughts about what’s happening for me as he talks, as it benefits him.”
        • “Zoom Out” Consider the perspective of the person you are coaching. “When I think about what Jack would say about our relationship, it reminds me that he is totally committed to his job and wants to be the best leader he can be. He trusts me to hear his thoughts and he knows that my intent is to be the best support possible for him. He wants me to share what is surfacing for me as we talk and he is okay, even agrees, with me offering him a challenge at times, because he knows I have his best interest at heart.”
      • Remember your role. You are the coach. You are not the teacher, the consultant, the counselor, the savior, the parent, or the best friend. When in a coaching conversation, you are your authentically real self as a coach – you are observant, empathetic and responsive, as the two of you move through the conversation. You are curious, caring, and interested. And, you genuinely want the very best for your client. There will be new learning opportunities that surface during the conversations. However, it’s the client’s place to articulate them – rather than you.

A Note to Supervisors: It’s clear that you are the supervisor and your job responsibilities are different from those of a coach. You are not the coach to this person and at the same time you will show up being coach-like in the way you interact with him or her, unless either is in jeopardy of losing their jobs. Even then – you will model respect, concern, calmness and clarity on expectations and timelines. You may very well bring the topic and possible outcomes for the conversation, depending on the situation and will use as many coach-like behaviors as appropriate as the two of you move through the conversation and determine next steps of actions. See Results Coaching Next Steps: Leading for Growth and Change (2018) for best approaches to use when in conversations with teachers operating at various levels of performance.

There you have it – three easy ways to prepare to convene a coaching conversation. Ideally, these three tips spark at least one growth opportunity for you. Later this month we will be back with ideas on best ways to Connect and Create with your client. Until then, here is a question to consider:

How do you best prepare yourself for an important coaching conversation?

As we’ve heard said before, that coaching conversation may very well be the most important one you ever have. Let’s get ready.

See Insight by Tasha Eurich (2017) for information on “Zoom In, Zoom Out”.