Most likely we would not be too excited to open a gift and find nothing inside. Right? However, would you be surprised to know that in coaching, this is the perfect metaphor for coaching presence? Let me explain. In coaching, we are giving the gift of ourselves and our skills to another person. What does that mean? When we are fully present with another person as they share their story about a situation or challenge, we are open – like the gift above – to what is being shared with us. To be open means we are interested, curious and deeply connected to the person speaking. We are not listening to try to solve the issue for the client, which seems to be a challenge for many coaches in training. For example, when I listen to school leaders who want to become credentialed coaches, this is one of the biggest hurdles they must overcome. Stop trying to solve the problem for the client. Empty the package you are wanting to give to your client. Don’t let it be filled with your own stories or ideas. Take some deep breaths to clear out your head, heart and gut so you can be the gift the client needs, listening deeply to what is being shared, including the language they use and exhibit through their emotions. Stay present with them and see what arises when they have the space to go deeper in their own thinking. Offer them the gift of reflecting back the essence of what they are expressing so that they can hear or see it from a different perspective. In our Level I course, we introduce “Listen For” where we teach to listen for the speaker’s passions, their emotions… and their words.

Here is an example. Recently I was demonstrating a coaching conversation in our Level I Leadership Coaching for High Performance seminar. The person I was coaching was sharing a challenge she was having at work. I listened, totally absorbed in her story, when suddenly her eyes dropped down and she became quiet. I too stayed quiet with her. After a few seconds, I asked her what was happening for her when her eyes went down. Without revealing her insight here, it was a turning point for her and how she wanted to address her challenge. Had I not been present I could have missed that very subtle shift in her behavior.

So, how is the metaphor of being an empty present speaking to you? Whether you are a professional coach, or a coach leader, the gift of complete presence is a gift that really does keep on giving.