Recently, a client asked me to offer some language to share with her team about what coaching is and why it matters. Here are some of my thoughts – let’s call them five key points about what coaching is. Perhaps this will serve as a reminder for all of us about the importance of coaching in our work and in our lives.

1. Coaching is a professional relationship between a skilled coach and a person who desires growth, both personally and professionally, and is willing to be coached toward that growth. Notice the word “desires.” You can’t force or pressure a person into being coached. Rather, they must want to be coached and agree to the relationship which then moves into a partnership between coach and client. This calls for upfront conversations and clarity about what coaching is and is not, what happens within coaching conversations, who sets the agenda, how confidentiality is upheld in the process, when, if ever, coaches are required by law not to hold information in confidence, and what is expected regarding payment of services, be it by the client or the organization sponsoring the services. Clients must feel that they are in a safe, private, and trusted place where they can relax and express their thoughts, feelings, perceptions, desires and challenges, without being judged.
2. Coaching focuses on present and future thinking. This is one way that coaching is different from counseling or therapy which may focus more on past experiences and unresolved emotions. For example, let’s say that a client is desiring a stronger relationship with her teammates and yet finds it hard to have what she wants. The team just can’t seem to get along – from her perspective. A coach is not going to ask a question like, “How is this like previous experiences you have had with other teammates?” This takes the client to the past. Rather, a coach might ask, “What is making it important for you to have stronger relationships with your team?” Notice the difference? This offers the opportunity for the client to look within themselves and toward what they want rather than what they do not want.
3. Coaching centers on change and growth. Coaching is about supporting clients to accomplish what they want. This may include changing what isn’t working, improving on something that is partially working, or reaching for goals and desires not yet accomplished, or even spoken. Coaches embody a mindset of being open, curious, flexible, and client centered, seeking to understand the client, respecting what they want, and believing that there is no need to impose personal views and aspirations on their clients. Thus, coaches don’t tell or advise clients on how to live their life, fulfill their work responsibilities and/or address challenges or interactions, be it with others or within themselves. Rather, coaches truly believe that clients are whole, capable and resourceful. By working with a committed coach who is skilled in listening, speaking, providing spaciousness for clients to think and reflect, and by asking questions for clarity, insights, and new awarenesses about themselves and the situation, changes, growth and even transformations are possible for clients.
4. Coaching is about coaching the client, rather than the situation or the challenge. Marcia Reynolds recently wrote a book called, Coach the Person Not the Problem (2020). That message is really at the heart of coaching. Following the initial conversations on establishing agreements around the goals and processes related to being coached, a typical coaching session begins with the coach asking a question like, “What is most important to you for us to work on today in this coaching session?” Then the coach listens carefully to the client, who typically begins to tell a story of a situation they are dealing with that is causing them to feel stressed, uncertain, disappointed, anxious, or other feelings. The coach listens to the client, observing their use of language, the way they express the challenge or situation and the emotions, both spoken and unspoken, seeking to understand the message behind the story and why this story is important to the client.

   Coaches do not seek details about a situation, rather they listen in ways that offer opportunities for new awareness for the client. For example, let’s say that a client comes to a coaching session with high levels of emotions – expressing anger and frustration toward her supervisor for not listening to her. The client says, “She just won’t listen to me and I feel like I don’t matter to her or what I think is not of interest to her.” The coach may begin with a reflective and empathetic statement, a type of paraphrase, and may even offer a metaphor to connect to what the client is expressing. For example, “It’s clear as you speak that there’s a heavy sense of frustration about the situation with your supervisor. It’s disappointing not to feel heard by someone so important to you and your work. It’s like aiming for a goal that keeps moving just out of reach. What is this saying to you?” Notice that the coach is focused on the client and not the situation, refraining from asking questions like, “How often does this happen to you, or why do you think she doesn’t listen to you?” Rather, the coach may ask, “What is the relationship that you desire to have with your supervisor?” Again, the focus is on the client and not the situation. That question may lead toward what the client wants to accomplish in the conversation – the session outcome or goal. For example, after receiving the question above, the client may say, “I want to figure out ways I can improve my relationship with the supervisor or determine if this is the best fit for me and my work.”

5. Coaching offers possibilities for shifts in client perspectives. Clients come to coaching sessions with thoughts, ideas, desires, disappointments, urgings, etc. And, when they have an attentive and skilled thinking partner, they may actually begin to see or visualize the situation from a different perspective. Let’s say that the client comes to a conversation and shares, “I need to learn to say no. I’m doing too much and feel exhausted all the time. I feel caught in a cycle of saying yes to everything.” The coach might ask, “If you no longer felt exhausted and were out of that cycle, what would be different for you in your life?” That question offers the opportunity to shift the client perspective from what is not working to what may be possible. Of course, the shift does not come in one question – rather it may begin the process of opening a door leading toward what the client wants to do related to saying no in order to live the life she desires. This is where the deep coaching really begins.

After reading and thinking about the five points above, what is clearer for you about what coaching is? Please keep in mind that these points are not all inclusive about everything coaching is, that would take a book to capture everything. In a follow-up article, I’ll offer thoughts on why coaching matters and the impact it has on clients and the organizations where they work.

A quick final thought: As a professional coach with credentials from the International Coaching Federation (ICF), I, along with other ICF credentialed coaches, adhere to a sound set of ethical standards and coaching competencies. Serving as a coach has been a significant highlight of my whole career and I consider it an honor and a responsibility to be called “coach.”

If you would like to experience coaching for yourself, contact us at info@resultscoachingglobal.com and we will provide you with a complimentary coaching session. Or, sign up for one of our upcoming coaching seminars and receive the gift of being a coach for others.