We experience the importance of connection daily—with our significant others, with our families, our friends, our colleagues, our communities, and with those we may encounter rarely or even only once. How do we invite others in? How do we show others we want to connect?

We know that we pay attention to body language, facial expressions, posture, language, etc. We learned from Mark Goulston years ago in, Just Listen, (2010) that people not only want to feel understood, they also want to feel felt. Charles Duhigg, in Supercommunicators, reminds us that emotions are part of how we connect. When we match or acknowledge another person’s mood and energy, we show them that we want to understand their emotional life, and that is a form of generosity that becomes empathy.

As coaches, we are trained to recognize and honor emotion. Yet studies indicate that even if we notice a furrowed brow, we don’t really know whether they are anxious or concentrating. We don’t really know why someone is smiling. Even if we really want to know and match someone’s emotions, it is difficult because we don’t know exactly what they are feeling. This is the reason we explore that together, by listening, reflecting, and asking.

An enlightening finding from laughter researchers: When people genuinely laughed together, their mood and energy almost always matched. When we match someone’s mood and energy, we are creating emotional connection. Supercommunicators allow themselves to match or at least acknowledge mood and energy in a way to intentionally connect.